Building Relationships

Ashley asked the question, "How do you build relationships?" in class and I really started to think about this. This made me wonder why my roommates, family, coworkers were really close to me and why some acquaintances and neighbors or even roommates were not as close. I think those that I have developed good relationships with are those who share and give, as well as accept and receive and I reciprocate those actions as well. In some situations the reciprocity is equal but I have found that if I truly love someone and feel connected to them there is not a issue of equality in the reciprocity of our relationship.

The ways I have developed these type of relationships are by becoming humble enough to ask for help and to accept help from my loved ones. This has been hard for me in the past and a real block to my ability to connect with others. Because I love to serve others but avoided ever being served, even if I needed it. I also believe sacrifice is a major component of my close relationships. My father once cleaned out my car after weeks of me denying him that opportunity and when I was surprised with this service my love grew tremendously for him. When I sacrifice for others I feel I love them more and I feel more loved by someone when they sacrifice for me. My roommate Tabitha told me she wanted to support me in my different eating restrictions and notified me she'd be less of a penny pincher and eat more fresh vegetables with me. That meant a lot to me too!

I mentioned that pride, inability to accept or receive, was a stumbling block for me in building relationships. In class Dave stated another struggle I often have when building relationships. He said that sometimes when we are insecure we feel a need to find a solution or make a decision to define or clarify whatever we are being insecure about and that this can at times distance us from others. It is indeed hard to deal with uncertainty but the reality is things are not always going to be clear upon first introduction. It may take many encounters with a person or situation before we begin to see the most appropriate way to act.

This is especially applicable when traveling to another culture. When put in a new, different situation or environment we will feel uncomfortable or inadequate to respond in a new social context. We will be insecure and feel a need to quickly and keenly observe appropriate behavior so we can implement it to blend and fit in. But as I mentioned previously we may not observe perfectly or understand how to behave even after a dozen encounters with the same situation. To fix our feelings of insecurity it is easy to make a hasty decision about appropriate behavior, even if it isn't appropriate, so we can feel assured of ourselves again. This way of dealing with insecurity can cause problems of distance or disrespect when trying to build relationships. I think a more healthy way to deal with the uncomfortable nature of traveling cross culturally is to recognize we will be insecure at first and that it will take time to find even some of the answers to our questions. If we realize our observing and learning of culturally appropriate behavior will extend across our entire stay we can avoid the pitfall of assuming we know enough and shutting ourselves off from future valuable learning experiences.