Focusing on Similarity

We discussed in class that as we focus on the way we are similar or like some one then we gain a greater ability to connect to those different from us. This discussion took me back to a conversation I had over a year ago with a roommate.

She commented on the diverse pool of friends I surrounded myself with. As we lived together as freshman and were neighbors as sophomores she observed respectfully, and remarked as a compliment, that I was friends with people that other people often overlooked or weren't friends with. I hadn't ever considered myself this way but she helped me see that it was typical of me to plan parties or organize activities that resulted in a melting pot of people from high school, the dance department, freshman academy, friends of friends, family and classmates and that I often would be the one point of contact for each person in the group. I hadn't ever realized this before and began to wonder why this pattern had occurred in my social life.

In high school I moved twice, first time to Dallas, Texas and second time back to Farmington, Utah. During those transitions I found myself without a social group with similar interests or network of friends with similar friends that I had had before my father conducted our moving experiments. This lack of a peer support group led me to reach out to anyone I thought I could connect with. To do this I had to focus and search for similarities in my new classmates and neighbors. Because I was focusing on my similarities with others and I did not belong to any specific social click I connected with a large variety of students in both high schools without the pressure of pleasing or joining a certain social click. This is how I have developed relationships with many wonderful and many different people. I found I didn't need a stable stereotypical social group to have a meaningful social life and I liked surrounding myself with a diverse group of friends with different theories and interests in life.

How could finding similarities be more difficult in a cross cultural setting? What have I done previously to connect with the friends I currently have?

I've brainstormed a few ideas:

• Being engaged in conversation by asking questions and listening with genuine interest. I think listening in Ghana will be very hard for me because I have never had a good ear to hear English through a foreign accent.
  
• Spend time working together. When you collaborate with someone communication is necessary and could provide a springboard for more conversation where you might discover more similarities.
  
• Spend time, it may take awhile to learn about someone and find similarities between you that create a connection.
• Step into their shoes, try something they do to understand them better and share in a common experience.
• Share about yourself. Don't be afraid to share what you believe, like to do, or your opinion because the other party is hopefully trying to discover ways to connect with you too. However, always be sensitive to the way the information could be received.
• Find out the way the other culture does connect with each other. In America and France people connect over food, in Ghana I believe people connect over celebrations where dance occurs, so hopefully dancing will provide a great medium for me to connect with people.
  

I am glad Dave simply stated the key to connecting with others was focusing on similarities and avoiding the deficit theory type thinking. Reflecting on my conversation with my roommate helped me validate and apply some of the life skills I've acquired up to this point in my life.
Though I have much to practice and much to learn about connecting with others it gave me confidence to know that I have some experience in connecting with others. We'll just see if I'm as effective at it in a cross-cultural setting.